They’re Your Parents Too! *Book Review*
The baby boomer generation – my grandmother among them – are aging. As they enter this stage of life, their children are going through a stage of their own as well – one that can create stress and anxiety among siblings facing the strain of caring for their parents. Francine Russo is the author of a new book called “They’re Your Parents Too” How Siblings Can Survive Thier Parents’ Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy.” In this book she illustrates very well the emotions and struggles that older adults face as their parents depend on them even more.
Her tone is one of a good friend, with sympathy and caring in each page. In my life I have seen the stress it can cause when an aging parent requires extra attention from his/her children. What do they do? They have very busy lives and not a single one wants to be the only one responsible. That is where this book really connects and offers a ton of very helpful information from sibling interviews, the latest studies and quoting clinical experts.
It is a very easy book to read too. I was concerned that it would be full of medical jargon, the vocabulary either boring me to death or going over my head. But it does not. Russo uses a bunch of interviews and real life illustrations to describe the issues so many are facing today. Even though I am not going through it myself I was able to sympathize and understand just by reading this book.
I especially enjoyed her tips on how siblings can work together to help the aging parents, even if they are separated and one is doing most of the caregiving. But even more, I liked chapter 5: “We Weren’t Your Norman Rockwell Family.” You can tell from her use of Norman Rockwell that her audience is familiar with this piece of pop culture and I love that she reaches her audience with this refrence. In this chapter she helps people realize that while an ideal is great to strive for, it is ok to not be perfect. In fact, the imperfection is where peace can be found. Russo says in her book that she has “heard many people passionately assert that there is a ‘right’ way to behave towards ones old parents, an obligation that is absolute,” and further on in the chapter she describes how detrimental these absolutes are and unreachable as well.
Who is the author?
Francine Russo is a “boomer” expert in her “Ask Francine” column for Time Magazine that she has written for over a decade. She also has a sister and aging parents – the inspiration for this book. After writing her column and reading submitted letters she soon learned she was not alone in her struggles and the book was born!
You can read more about her and this book on her website YourParentsToo.com or connect with her on twitter or facebook.
I personally believe that this is a very timely and well written book. You can purchase it from Amazon.com below or look for it in your local bookstore.
I was given a copy of this book to review. All opinions are 100% mine.
Comments (2)
Saw my dad/mom dealing with aging grandmother with alzheimers, they moved her to a nursing home that was more local to dad so he could help take care of things, as the state she was living in threatened to put ALL of her children in jail if they didnt do something for her, even though she REFUSED help of any kind and wanted to live on her own. Did they talk about that kind of thing in the book? Scary. Anyway, my dad and my aunt (who lives on the coast) took care of the majority of it, my aunt did the paperwork stuff. My dad has 2 brothers. One didnt do anything I dont think (lived on the other coast) and the other, well before she went to the nursing home, his wife wrote checks out of grandma’s account for their mortgage. For months and months. They were ‘taking’ their inheritance. There wasn’t an inheritance. Once they found out they couldn’t get money anymore, they didnt visit her as often. Sad. Grandma is gone now, I hope she is at peace.
Have a friend who just lost her aging parent recently, and all the burden fell to her. She had 2 sisters, one who claimed that she would need my friend to take care of her, because she wasn’t able (nothing wrong with her other than being overweight, every time she visited she’d sit on the spindly chairs and break them instead of a heavier chair like my friend kept trying to get her to).. the other helped run a family dairy farm so she wasn’t much help either. The mom was in a nursing home, but her biggest problem was a mental illness she refused to control on her own, I think.
Seems like this would have been a good book for some people I have known to read a few years back.
It is very sad how often there is fighting within the family about parental care, and the reason for the fighting is not centered on how well mom and dad are being taken care of. Money becomes too much of a focus.