Results of the three day break: I will show my love

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Show your love quote by Shakespeare

Ok, the “three day test” is over. And you know what I learned? That self-measurement is a waste of time. As I looked at my marriage, children, my house, my groceries and my business, how do I measure “success?” Is it in the way I feel? The way everyone feels? Or is it by some standard of perfection I will never reach (set forth by my culture)? 

I wanted three days to focus on my family and marriage because I felt disconnected. During these three days I intentionally got on the floor and played My Little Ponies. I ate out at restaurants more often because it was time spent with my family and I wasn’t stressed out from the prep and clean up. I also stayed off DramaBook Facebook. While Josh took the children to Tae Kwon Do I relaxed and snuck some social media in on my phone. All that happiness I enjoyed began to dissipate. I should never have turned it on during my break!  I read something someone enjoyed and compared it to my life, felt unhappy. Then saw a post that angered me and overreacted emotionally. 

I have to limit recreational time on Social Media

As a writer, I need to disperse my writing. That means co-promoting posts from other bloggers so they promote mine. That also means sharing my posts on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest and engaging on those platforms. While this can be a really fun part of my job, I realize my weakness and must be wiser with my time on-line. I’ve said it before – I struggle with comparing my life to others. While I have made huge progress, it is still my Achilles heal. And like Roo said, social media is the worst place to find people to compare myself to.  Limiting my recreational time online will help me control my reaction to things and be more aware of the time-suck it can be. 

I am burning the measuring stick

What ruler do I use to measure my success or failure as a wife or mother? I am going to rely on my husband more and myself less for this. There have been so many times lately that I freak out over something and Josh looks at me incredulously, holds his hands up and says, “ok, well, if it means that much to you….” and allows me to wallow in my freak out.  If the house is a wreck, he doesn’t mind, my children don’t mind, my friends don’t mind. So why do I? Good question. If my children don’t sit still in church, no one cares except me. I keep referencing this imaginary ruler – and failing. This ruler is not found anywhere, I don’t know where I find the standards to live up to – is my house tidy? Are my children excelling (not just learning) in school? Are they well rounded? Are they polite? How many date nights do I go on each month? How much time do I spend with him? The questions go on and on. And they don’t matter. They only stress me out. 

Partner-reviews are more important

I value Josh’s input, but during this break I realized how wise and important his point of view is! When I presented him with the idea, he had no idea why I needed it. To him, I was doing just fine.  As much as I love him and respect him, I didn’t know how little weight I gave his opinion sometimes. Wait Josh, I can’t be doing a good job right now because I work too much!” Maybe, he says, but I am happy when I work and it brings so much benefit to our family, so he thinks I’m doing just fine. If my partner and the father to my children thinks I am doing well, I need to relax and enjoy his approval, not criticize it. 

Pray. 

When I pray and focus on Christ, I am more centered, more focused on the blessings instead of the mess. I must surround my mind with thoughts of gratitude, joy and truth. By turning my thoughts to ones of purity and grace I can enjoy the tiny blessings I otherwise gloss over in my search for errors. 

Show my love

By watching my social media reactions and time spent online, by intentionally snuggling with my children, making them a meal I think will help them grow healthy, I will show my love. Also? Love does not keep score. I am not going to give with the hope of getting the same back. Love gives because love must or it isn’t love.  

Written by:: Annie Shultz

Annie Shultz has written 1924 post in this blog.

She is THE Mama Dweeb :) She created this blog back in 2009 and loves to inspire and connect with others through her writing. She also loves talking, dreaming, 90s pop and country music.

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Comments

  1. says

    It sounds like some great reflections on your three day break. It’s important for us all to disconnect from technology and focus on each other. We also should never measure ourselves against everyone else. We are all different!

  2. says

    I think we all have to take a step back and LIVE life. I am only on to promote and in some places connect, but none of that takes the place of being with kids and spouse every day.

  3. says

    Thanks to society, its perfectly normal to feel this way, feel like everything has to be perfect. I feel the same way sometimes. Usually when I am having one of those days, I try to relax and remember tomorrow is another day, And tomorrow always ends up being better and I feel better.

  4. Maria says

    You are so right! I have been feeling disconnected as well and had a social media weekend free. Glad you are seeing a change.

  5. says

    We all need a break sometimes to reflect, and it looks like you got some great perspective from your break. I hope it leaves you energized and refocused.

  6. Meagan cramer says

    You survived! That’s great news :) it is easy to get swept up in comparisons. Good for you in noticing that and asking your hubs for support. God created you just like you for a reason. You are perfect in His eyes.

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