Where do I belong? In college, I had a goal : obtain a degree. I worked at my part time jobs, knowing they were temporary. I studied and checked off every homework assignment and test. Then, I married, had a child, and graduated (in that order).
Immediately, I was a mess of constant feedings and diaper changes. My world was baby wearing, sleep training, bed sharing, and laundry. We built a house, moved in and had two more babies.
I started this blog to give myself a hobby, an identity beyond feeder and changer. I made close friends and even became respected as I spoke at a variety of blog conferences.
Ready for some serious honesty? Well here goes…
I’m scared to not get a job right now. I’m worried that if I put my heart into being a mom and wife, I will be squandering my time and won’t be hirable in the future. I also worry that I will be wasting all the hours and dollars I invested in my education. Isn’t it wise to use my college degrees?
Yes, degrees. Plural. I have a B.S. in Bible and a B.A. in Journalism/Mass Communications.
Our expenses continue to increase and here I am – at home, writing.
Hold on, Annie. You are writing this on your BLOG. That you claim to earn an income from.
Yeah, I get that. And if you look at my taxes, I do earn an income from it. But I have yet to uncover the key to making my blog earn me the kind of money a college degree ought to be earning me.
So here I sit. Playing around on my blog. Writing, because I am a writer. I cannot live a day without writing.
But desiring more.
And the confusing part? It is entirely up to me. I am so abhorrently spoiled that I am unhappy from my plethora of choices. I am stressed out from the anxiety of making the wrong choice. When, seriously, it will be ok no matter what I choose.
And the beat goes on.
Time marches on.
So Annie, what makes you happy?
I don’t know! I love my family, but there is nothing quite like paychecks and job promotions to fill you with security and self-esteem.
Can’t motherhood do that?
Good question. It should. It ought to. But it doesn’t pay. And there is that “what if I need a job someday and I didn’t gain experience while I was young” issue.
There you have it. Complete honesty. I know I’ll figure this out. In fact, I am constantly searching for the middle ground and I think a part time job might be exactly what I need right now. We’ll see how this goes – life is funny, it never happens quite like you plan.